I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run into Paris Hilton and she's like, Oh, I love your show. And I'm like, You can't love my show if you can hear.

You don't mess with janitors, first of all, they have like 40 keys, and 1 is to a closet you don't want to be inside of.

I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.

Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!

You know what they say, when one door closes, another Belvedere opens.

If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself.

Reality TV's pretty tricky for me. I don't really watch anything like that, because I think it's brain-sucking.