My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.

Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous.

I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever.

I think when I envisioned my documentaries, what I wanted to do when I left, I had no business doing those documentaries. I didn't know what I was doing. I was delving into an arena that I had no experience in, and Netflix paired me up with two documentarians that really executed my vision perfectly. That was great, to see that. All of a sudden I'm at Sundance, and those are premiering. I just thought, "Wow, they were four ideas I pitched one day, and now it's coming to fruition on this scale."

There's tons of information on the Internet, so if you type in cancer, they'll give you 15, 000 different options to get involved with cancer. It's very easy to get involved if you want to get involved, especially to volunteer your time.

My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.

... some of the best sex I can barely remember.