The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.

Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl

Obviously its nice to give your time and especially when there is money being raised. It's rewarding.

It's like being a stand-up comedian is what leads to being a talk-show host. That life is not cut out for a woman, being on the road at these disgusting hotels. What girls want to do that? Gross guys want to do that. I think that the dearth in female comics is just the nature of the business, but there certainly isn't a dearth anymore, so I think it's just silly.

I want to start saying bad words all the time!

It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.