The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.

The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it's very hard to keep that interesting.

[Gordon Ramsay] knows about being bullied, because look at the size of him.

While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I would under no circumstances be able to use street drugs. Obviously I had to think of a more realistic approach.

According to an article on CNN.com, a new study says people who are bad kissers don't get laid. Where are you supposed to learn how to kiss? If you go to Catholic school, it's from your priest; in public school, you learn from your teacher; and some guys learn from their sisters... if their sister is Angelina Jolie.

I love people who have such passion for complete nonsense.

You know what they say, when one door closes, another Belvedere opens.