I tried to put myself up for adoption several times.

Having a baby, it's like a five year commitment.

If you have to work at McDonald's, good for you. But on a side note, good luck with the rest of your life.

I don't understand what apps are on my phone. Why do they ask for passwords? Why do they all ask for different passwords? It's so frustrating that I end up just reading a book every time I try to go online.

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.

I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away - I don't think so.

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.