It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.

I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.

Thanksgiving is coming. I wonder what the holiday will be like at Dog the Bounty Hunter’s house—obviously, they’ll have a turkey with all-white meat.

If diamonds are a girl's best friend, I wonder if blood diamonds are a girl's best friend 5 days out of the month?

What about your constitutional right to bear arms, you say. I would simply point out that you don’t have to exercise a constitutional right just because you have it. You have the constitutional right to run for president of the United States, but most people have too much sense to insist on exercising it.

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.

My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.