Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.

Another thing I take issue with are people who take their dogs on "play dates," or even worse, people who choose to dress their dogs up in outfits better suited for homosexuals participating in a gay pride parade. Dog costumes are right up there with something else I find particularly offensive: sweater vests.

No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.

My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.

It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.

A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.

I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.