I was always the guy getting kicked out of my classes at school for having an attitude problem.

All my children inherited perfect pitch.

A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish.

Fame is a very unnatural human condition. When you stop to realize that Abraham Lincoln was probably never seen by more than 400 people in a single evening, and that I can enter over 40 million homes in a single evening due to the power of television, you have to admit the situation is not normal.

You could knock my teeth out and break my nose, and there'd be something funny about it to me.

I just went into this business for laughs. I guess I don't mind being an actor so much now.

Anyone who wants to run has to be a Jimmy Swaggart, minus the default.