You could knock my teeth out and break my nose, and there'd be something funny about it to me.

Socialism works ... [and] Cuba might prove that. I think it's conclusive that there have been areas where socialism has helped to keep people at least stabilized at a certain level.

The best advice I can give you about falling is to never land.

Every Vacation movie didn't just make the studio money. They each made the studio a lot of money.

My father was the funniest guy I ever met. I'm not sure if I stole his stuff or if I inherited it.

The fact was, Ford kept stumbling around. I didn't want him in the White House. I wanted Carter in, and I had a forum of 20 million people watching.

It's never a good idea for a celebrity to sign autographs or take pictures if a crowd is gathering.