Only fools live in the past or carry envy to the present.

Somebody give me a banana. I'm playing like a monkey, so I might as well eat like one.

I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.

When you're having trouble and topping the ball, it means the ground is moving on you.

I have 13 dependents. All of them have 140 IQ or better, except me. I'm under 100 IQ, and I support them all.

I'm getting so old, I don't even buy green bananas anymore.

They claim red meat is bad for you. But I never saw a sick-looking tiger.