Somebody give me a banana. I'm playing like a monkey, so I might as well eat like one.

Take less time to read the scorecard and more time to read the hole.

I read the greens in Spanish, but I putt in English.

Golf is a thinking man's game. You can have all the shots in the bag, but if you don't know what to do with them, you've got troubles.

When I used to gamble, I looked for players with head covers on their irons. Those guys I could beat.

Golf is the most fun you can have with out taking your clothes off.

Then Lee Trevino and Jack Nicklaus come in. I'll caddie for Jack.