A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock. But make sure you're in the same time zone.

I'm getting so old, I don't even buy green bananas anymore.

Putting isn't golf, greens should be treated almost the same as water hazards: you land on them, then add two strokes to your score.

When you're having trouble and topping the ball, it means the ground is moving on you.

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

I read the greens in Spanish, but I putt in English.

Golf is the only sport that a professional can enjoy playing with his friends.