I have 13 dependents. All of them have 140 IQ or better, except me. I'm under 100 IQ, and I support them all.

I never prayed that I would make a putt. I prayed that I would react well if I missed.

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

Only fools live in the past or carry envy to the present.

I am a millionaire today and my wife deserves all of the credit. Before I met her I was a multi-millionaire.

I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.

Then Lee Trevino and Jack Nicklaus come in. I'll caddie for Jack.