After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!

A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock. But make sure you're in the same time zone.

Trevino is in a league by himself. We don't even count him. We figure when you come in second, you're a winner.

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.

Then Lee Trevino and Jack Nicklaus come in. I'll caddie for Jack.

I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt.