Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.

I am a millionaire today and my wife deserves all of the credit. Before I met her I was a multi-millionaire.

Somebody give me a banana. I'm playing like a monkey, so I might as well eat like one.

The sweetest two words are 'next time.' The sourest word is 'if.'