When I used to gamble, I looked for players with head covers on their irons. Those guys I could beat.

I was on the dance floor but I couldn't hear the band.

I have 13 dependents. All of them have 140 IQ or better, except me. I'm under 100 IQ, and I support them all.

Playing golf is not hot work. Cutting sugar cane for a dollar a day - that's hot work. Hotter than my first wrist watch.

The sweetest two words are 'next time.' The sourest word is 'if.'

Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!

When you're having trouble and topping the ball, it means the ground is moving on you.