I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.

I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.

A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

This friend of mine had a terrible upbringing. When his mother lifted him up to feed him, his father rented the pram out. Then, when they came into money later, his mother hired a woman to push the pram - and he's been pushed for money ever since.

I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.

There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.