She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.

I rang the bell of this small bed-and breakfast place, whereupon a lady appeared at an outside window. "What do you want?", she asked. "I want to stay here", I replied. "Well, stay there then", she said and closed the window.

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."

I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.

The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.

I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.