She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.

I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.

I went to the butchers to buy a leg of lamb. "Is it Scotch?", I asked. "Why?" the butcher said in reply. "Are you going to talk to it or eat it?". "In that case, have you got any wild duck?". "No", he responded, "but I've got one I could aggravate for you."

I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.

I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.