I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.

I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.

The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.

My sister wanted a cat for a pet... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.

There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.