Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep.

We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.

I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling... the rest I spend foolishly.

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.

My sister wanted a cat for a pet... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.

Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep.