My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.

My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.

She had been married so often she bought a drip-dry wedding dress.

I took my father on a coach trip last summer.We were halfway there when the driver lost control of the coach, it flew down a hill around a bend and crashed through a brick wall. I wasn't hurt but luckily my father had the presence of mind to kick my head in.

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself.

Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep.