A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet.

My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.

There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.

I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.

Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep.

A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches - two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.