A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches - two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.

My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

She had been married so often she bought a drip-dry wedding dress.

A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches - two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.

I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.

There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.

So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."