My sister wanted a cat for a pet... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.

My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.

I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.

My sister wanted a cat for a pet... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.

A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet.

I rang the bell of this small bed-and breakfast place, whereupon a lady appeared at an outside window. "What do you want?", she asked. "I want to stay here", I replied. "Well, stay there then", she said and closed the window.

I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling... the rest I spend foolishly.