Jokes that make me laugh out loud when I write them almost always bomb. I have no idea why.

You walk into a strip club with a wad of cash; they all flock around you. Strippers are just pigeons with tits. They go where the bread is.

Even before I had an assistant, my calendar was color-coded and I had all these different e-mail rules for how to prioritize e-mails, so I made it a point years ago to figure all that stuff out because my life was a mess.

If I wasn't acting or doing stand-up, I would be in animation. Or if I had the discipline I might studies physics.

Don't tell television, but there is some superior programming being made on the Interwebz.

I do find some of the meanest, most exclusionary people are the nerds. And they rebel against other nerds! What are you doing? As much as I love nerds and the nerd movement, the nerd-on-nerd violence is really bad. A lot of times, nerds are the meanest ones online. And also, the trolling can be very extensive because they're smart.

With stand-up, there's a little bit of an exaggerated reality because things have to be manipulated to create comedy, to create jokes.