There's a difference between racism and "I don't know any better. I'm clueless." Racism is like, "I'm trying to make you feel bad." That's racism.

Kennedy didn't beat Nixon. Satire beat Nixon.

You're not famous unless people's mothers know who you are. Everybody else, you think you're famous, but you're just hot, and heat cools off.

Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council.

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.

Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.

Success is just hanging out with my kids. I mean, I always say if you have options, you're rich. To me, success is the fact that hey, I just did a movie and maybe I'll do some stand up, maybe I'll will write a book or maybe I will do a play.