Kennedy didn't beat Nixon. Satire beat Nixon.

My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons.

You can't have anything valuable in your house. Niggers will break in and take it all! Everything white people don't like about black people, black people don't like about black people. It's like our own personal civil war. On one side, there's black people. On the other, you've got niggers. The niggers have got to go. I love black people, but I hate niggers. I am tired of niggers. Tired, tired, tired.

When a musical act performs, the black audience goes crazy for all the stuff, the album cuts, everything. White audiences, they're nice and all, but they're not going to lose it until they get the hits. Comedy is the same thing.

Oprah is so rich, I saw John Kerry proposing to her.

My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.

If you’re a black Christian, you have a real short memory.