Kennedy didn't beat Nixon. Satire beat Nixon.

You just got to be really logical when you're a comedian - to a fault. Like a lawyer's got to believe in the law.

If poor people knew how rich rich people are, there would be riots in the streets.

Just to be clear, Ray Rice was not fired for beating his wife. He was fired because a video of him beating his wife was released.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

There's bad and then there's EDDY CURRY BAD.