You can't think the thoughts you want to think if you think you're being watched.

A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.

Stand-up is the only career like that where once you get really big at it, people kind of encourage you not to do it.

The only reaction that frightens me is people not laughing. It's extraordinary to me when you get a laugh. That you can go in front of a bunch of people you never met before, you can say some stuff and they all laugh in unison - that's amazing. It's a miracle.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

A man is only as faithful as his options.

People want what they want. And I guess that is a reason we have this big credit card problem and a lot of these foreclosures.