I never watched the Oscars. Come on, it's a fashion show . . . What straight black man sits there and watches the Oscars? Show me one. And they don't recognize comedy, and you don't see a lot of black people nominated, so why should I watch it?

After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college.

I ain't shootin' nobody. So call me a faggot! When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs, thank you!

You just got to be really logical when you're a comedian - to a fault. Like a lawyer's got to believe in the law.

The only acting you ever see at the Oscars is when people act like they’re not mad they lost. Nicole Kidman was smiling so wide, she should have won an Emmy at the Oscars for her great performance. I was like, "If you’d done that in the movie, you’d have won an Oscar, girl."

The two best things you can do for a person is have sex or make them laugh.

If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window.