I'm happy if everybody else is. I'm a big brother, the oldest. If you're happy and I'm not, I'm cool with that. If I'm happy and you're not, I'm sad.

Everything's funny - in the right context and done by the right person.

My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars.

You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.

My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons.

There's not one reference in that thing that doesn't play. People deal with emotions in music all the time, but comedians are always talking about what they see. But we seldom talk about what we feel.

Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!"