You want to track Hollywood careers, look in the real estate section. You see a guy buy a house that costs $6 million, and you can literally start counting the days until he starts doing crappy movies.

I literally don't know what I'm going to do next. That's successful.

There's math, and everything else is debatable!

Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it's like, what? You want no Comedy Central?

I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'