The best part is just having a partner. There is no real worst part. I'm not going to say there's a worst part. I mean I'm a comedian - comedians like to work alone. So maybe I'm not the ideal guy to be married to, in that sense.

Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.

Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.

Money is the best lotion in the world.

Nobody's about saving anymore. No one cares about a rainy day anymore. Nobody saves up enough for even an umbrella for a rainy day. It's sad. It really is a new form of slavery. We used to work to be able to afford material things. Now we work for these things. They're the boss. That house you can't afford, that car that's out of your price range, that cellphone that drains your bank account - that's your boss.

Women need food, water, and compliments That's right. And an occasional pair of shoes.

You can only offend me if you mean something to me.