Women need food, water, and compliments That's right. And an occasional pair of shoes.

For me, anything goes when I pick up a mike. I'm not trying to hurt people - I try not to get too personal - but I look at myself as a reporter. If you can report on anything that has to do with pop culture, then why can't I make jokes about it? Yes, it hurts. But I figure that laughter sometimes starts from pain. You might wince, but then I know that I'm doing my job. The only thing I can do wrong is not be funny.

You can never make a woman happy, it's impossible. I've never met a happy woman in my life. They're always complaining about something.

Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks.

You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.

I always say about my daughters, they save me from my miserable self. They take me out, you know, a comedian, you could live in your head a lot. And you're writing and you're doubting. But when I'm with my kids and my family, it's all about them.

I see guys who can't make 10 percent of what I make, and yet they have four Bentleys, three houses, and four bodyguards.