Women need food, water, and compliments That's right. And an occasional pair of shoes.

Just to be clear, Ray Rice was not fired for beating his wife. He was fired because a video of him beating his wife was released.

It's hard for a man to turn down sex... if they chase us, we can't run that fast.

So, to say Obama is progress is saying that he’s the first black person that is qualified to be president. That’s not black progress. That’s white progress. There’s been black people qualified to be president for hundreds of years. The question is, you know, my kids are smart, educated, beautiful, polite children. There have been smart, educated, beautiful, polite black children for hundreds of years. The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

No film critic's going to say it, but 'Madagascar 3' is better than 'The Artist.'

Men are handicapped when it comes to arguing, 'cause we have a need to make sense.