The only plan I have is to not do anything I don't want to do - and to never work just for money.

If you told me two years I would miss the greatest basketball game ever to hang out with Nathan Lane, I'd say, 'You're crazy!'

Standup comedians are attracted to one another because of their faults. So we're all kind of messed up in the same way, and once I was around a group of people that saw the world in a different way, it's like this is where I need to be.

Stop the violence! Can't we all just get along?

The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don't fill out a police report. They don't even have a chalk line when it's a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body.

A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.

Give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra anything but another white man! That last one f***ed up my roof!