The two best things you can do for a person is have sex or make them laugh.

Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.

Babies don't know who's rich and who's poor. You love 'em and they're happy.

You want to track Hollywood careers, look in the real estate section. You see a guy buy a house that costs $6 million, and you can literally start counting the days until he starts doing crappy movies.

A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.

I'm looking forward to not being tired around my child. My father was tired a lot. I want to play ball with my child without having to grab my shoulder because I'm not physically fit. And I want to really teach my child and become his or her friend.

Men are handicapped when it comes to arguing, 'cause we have a need to make sense.