I'll probably pay more attention to the musicians in the pit than the stars because they're the closest you're going to get to normal people in the audience.

Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.

Men lie the most. Men lie all the time.

Does having a wife and kids change your act? Yes, but only in the best way. It gives you weight and authority. It also makes you closer to the audience because the audience is married and has kids.

You don't pay taxes; they take them from your check. That's not a payment - that's a 'jack.

You know the world's gone mad when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the USA of arrogance and the Germans don't want to go to war !

I hate when people go on TV and tell you how hard it is to do animation. No, no, no. UPS is hard work. I’ve done some animation and here's how easy it is. The easiest job in the world. I go in a booth and I go, what’s the line? And the guy goes, it’s time to go to the store. And then I go, it’s time to go to the store. And then they gave me $1 million.