My mother always says: "You know better, so you'll be punished. Your friends don't know better, so they won't be punished. They can go snatch chains and they'll be fine. But if you snatch chains, you'll end up in jail because you know better."

I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it's like, what? You want no Comedy Central?

I want to really take chances. I want to be funny in a lot of different ways. I'd like to be great. I want to reach for greatness.

Tomorrow is more sure than just about anything else in the entire world.

George Bush hates midgets.

If you told me two years I would miss the greatest basketball game ever to hang out with Nathan Lane, I'd say, 'You're crazy!'

I love my life, but I don't think I'm any happier than my younger brother Andre, who drives a garbage truck.