When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.

When you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them. You're meeting their representative.

An entertainer's reputation as a live act is the most valuable thing he or she can have. If people know you give good shows, you'll never be broke for the rest of your life.

You can't think the thoughts you want to think if you think you're being watched.

Oprah is rich; Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out of a window and slit his throat on the way down saying, 'I can't even put gas in my plane!'

My dad worked every day. I didn't get into show business to work every day. So the fact that most days I get to like, spend really good time with my kids - that's what success is to me.

My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars.