When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.

I want to really take chances. I want to be funny in a lot of different ways. I'd like to be great. I want to reach for greatness.

Being a comedian is a lot like being an athlete. If you're Carl Lewis and you're the fastest, then no matter what you're the fastest.

The only plan I have is to not do anything I don't want to do - and to never work just for money.

Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies.

I've been away from my two daughters at a very important time in their life.'I have missed most of Girl Scout cookie season.Last night Zahra, my youngest called me up and said :"Daddy how come we never sell the most cookies? How come Mrs. Dunn wins every year?"'

That's a sure sign someone is going crazy - when he refers to himself in the third person, talks in low tones, and walks around wearing shades all day!