America is the greatest country in the whole world.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.

Guys play characters that won't grow up and something catastrophic happens and they have to grow up to save the day - that's pretty much what today's comedy is about.

Women can have all the evidence but they still want the confession.

Black History Month is in the shortest month of the year, and the coldest-just in case we want to have a parade

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.