I believe you got my property?

I am just here to support the President of the United States. President of the United States is our boss, but he is also... you know, the President and the First Lady are kinda like the Mom and the Dad of the country. And when your Dad says something you listen, and when you don't it will usually bite you on the ass later on. So, I'm here to support the President.

Success is just hanging out with my kids. I mean, I always say if you have options, you're rich. To me, success is the fact that hey, I just did a movie and maybe I'll do some stand up, maybe I'll will write a book or maybe I will do a play.

I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.

Tomorrow is more sure than just about anything else in the entire world.

A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.