You can never make a woman happy, it's impossible. I've never met a happy woman in my life. They're always complaining about something.

America is the only place where people go hunting on a full stomach.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.

I think if I were to get as big as I could get, it does change your mind-state. I think like the little man. I think like the underdog. I don't want to change that.

Comedians are the one who have to tell the emperor he has no clothes on.

I don't need a president with a bucket list!