I'm pretty good at getting over people throwing stuff at me. If you've been doing stand up long enough you know how to swing back and get the laughs.

The thing about having an audience right there laughing is that critics can write what they want, but the proof is right there in front of you.

Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.

I am just here to support the President of the United States. President of the United States is our boss, but he is also... you know, the President and the First Lady are kinda like the Mom and the Dad of the country. And when your Dad says something you listen, and when you don't it will usually bite you on the ass later on. So, I'm here to support the President.

Here's what I knew about doing a play: I knew it would make me a better actor.

I think if I were to get as big as I could get, it does change your mind-state. I think like the little man. I think like the underdog. I don't want to change that.

Men lie the most. Men lie all the time.