Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.
If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner.
Stand-up is the only career like that where once you get really big at it, people kind of encourage you not to do it.
I like the tradition of the Oscars. I like that some of the greatest comedians ever have hosted the show.
Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
Oprah is rich, Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out a fuckin' window and slit his throat on the way down saying, "I can't even put gas in my plane!"