Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks.

My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons.

If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window.

Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council.

A black Christian is like a black person with no memory.

Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"

I just thought everybody lived around abandoned buildings and crack-heads, ... I lived in the ghetto until I was like 19. I came to Los Angeles, stayed at hotels and stuff. When I got back and I saw what my neighborhood looked like, I started getting scared.