Black History Month is in the shortest month of the year, and the coldest-just in case we want to have a parade

I love black people, but I hate niggers.

You don't pay taxes; they take them from your check. That's not a payment - that's a 'jack.

Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

I get approached to do shows all the time. There's a lot of money in sitcoms, but I've never been the kind of guy who wanted to do one. I don't think people want to see me saying "Honey, I'm home." It's just not my thing.

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!