Black History Month is in the shortest month of the year, and the coldest-just in case we want to have a parade

You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!

Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.

Nobody ever says, 'Hey daddy, thanks for knockin' out this rent.' 'Hey daddy, I sure love this hot water.' 'Hey daddy, it's easy to read with all this light.' Nobody give a fk about dads!

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I like talking about subjects that aren't funny in the first place and making them funny. So anything down and depressing is something I'll talk about.

Comedians are the one who have to tell the emperor he has no clothes on.