If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work.

I see guys who can't make 10 percent of what I make, and yet they have four Bentleys, three houses, and four bodyguards.

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.

I'll probably pay more attention to the musicians in the pit than the stars because they're the closest you're going to get to normal people in the audience.

A man is only as faithful as his options.

Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.