Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

I'll go with the guy with one house. The guy with one house is scared about losing his house.

Men are handicapped when it comes to arguing, 'cause we have a need to make sense.

Does having a wife and kids change your act? Yes, but only in the best way. It gives you weight and authority. It also makes you closer to the audience because the audience is married and has kids.

When you've been on a ghetto diet your entire life, you're just happy to get a large soda instead of a medium.

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.

Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks.