Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

There's always a moment in any stand-up show I do where people are booing. They kinda boo a premise. And then I bail myself out with a joke. But it's like trying to do movies where there's a dramatic undertone.

When you become a comedian a lot of stuff that made you laugh before just stops. You stop watching your old cartoons you used to watch. You stop reading the funnies. It's like working at a strip club. You don't come home and turn on the Playboy Channel.

I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.

Unlike flying or astral projection, walking through walls is an earthbound pursuit.

When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it's natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, it's natural causes. 'Cause if you was younger, you'd have got out the way!

Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.