A black Christian is like a black person with no memory.

Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.

The two best things you can do for a person is have sex or make them laugh.

When you become a comedian a lot of stuff that made you laugh before just stops. You stop watching your old cartoons you used to watch. You stop reading the funnies. It's like working at a strip club. You don't come home and turn on the Playboy Channel.

I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.

I think anybody in front of a crowd is a comedian.

Whatever your pleasure, I can facilitate. You need weed, you need meth - hey, you need Prozac, I'm your man. I know how you white boys always deal with that depression. I mean me personally, I don't understand what you white boys are all depressed about. Hey, you're white! Smile!