Here's what I knew about doing a play: I knew it would make me a better actor.

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.

God bless America. And no place else.

Babies don't know who's rich and who's poor. You love 'em and they're happy.

Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit out of a hat. Do something! What tricks does this guy have? "I'm in a box...and I ain't gonna eat.". "I'm in a box... and I ain't gonna eat!!" That ain't no trick! That's called living in the projects!

I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.