You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.

See, the Black man gotta fly to get to something the white man can walk to.

Every comedian has a moment in his life when he realizes he's a little bit different from everyone else. It's like being the only guy in a movie who sees the ghost. The ghost talks to you and you talk to him. Then you turn to your friend and say, "Hey. Do you see that ghost? And he says, What ghost?"

I'm a nerd. I'm a little guy... the last guy you'd expect in a romantic movie.

Men are handicapped when it comes to arguing, 'cause we have a need to make sense.

You can't be happy that fire cooks your food and be mad it burns your fingertips.

Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies... a man's lie is, "I'm at Tony house, I was at Kenny house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!"