You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.

My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.

I got love from my family. I don't really need love from a paper, you know what I mean? I can't get too happy because somebody said something nice about me. I appreciate it, but let's not get it twisted - this is not changing my life.

The best part is just having a partner. There is no real worst part. I'm not going to say there's a worst part. I mean I'm a comedian - comedians like to work alone. So maybe I'm not the ideal guy to be married to, in that sense.

My kids don't have a trust fund, they have a debt fund. Oh my God, they're $4 million in the hole.

Emotional affairs, those are the only real affairs; those are the real ones.

I'll probably pay more attention to the musicians in the pit than the stars because they're the closest you're going to get to normal people in the audience.