Is America ready for a black president? Well, I say we just had a retarded one. When did being black become a bigger deterrent than being retarded?

Hollywood's racist. Hollywood is sorority racist. It's like - we like you, Rhonda, but you're not a Kappa.

I never wanted to churn it out. Comedians tend to work all the time. They never put it down like musicians who might make an album then take three or four years off to recharge their batteries. Comedians tend to work straight through and they get stale because of that. Even when I didn't have a lot of money I never ever did it unless I had something new to say.

I'm pretty good at getting over people throwing stuff at me. If you've been doing stand up long enough you know how to swing back and get the laughs.

When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

That's all we had when I was a kid: Robitussin. No matter what you got, Robitussin better handle it. "Daddy, I got asthma." "Robitussin." "I got cancer." "Robitussin." "I broke my leg." Daddy poured Robitussin on it. "Yeah, boy, let that 'tussin get in there. Yeah, boy, let that 'tussin get on down to the bone. The 'tussin ought to straighten out the bone."