Is America ready for a black president? Well, I say we just had a retarded one. When did being black become a bigger deterrent than being retarded?

Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.

I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.

Hollywood's just not funny.

When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.