Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

Men are only as unfaithful as their options.

I'm old enough to remember when there were no black quarterbacks - there were no blacks on TV. I hope my son or daughter doesn't have to be as fixated on race as I am, because he or she will grow up in freer times.

Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"

The government doesn't want you to use YOUR drugs, they want you to use THEIR drugs.

My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.

There are a lot of good comics, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics - there are black comics that work only black crowds, gay comics that do only gay crowds, and southern comics that only work down South, and so on with Asian, Latino, Indian, midgets, etc. The previous generation's comics were better because they had to make everybody laugh.